September 15, 2022 marks the five year heavenly birthday of my son Chris and this November 19th would have been his 30th birthday here on earth. My wife Rose Mary and I both feel that September 15th is the more reflective date when we think of Chris, as we believe his birth into heaven is forever, while his and everyone else’s life here on earth, is temporary.

During the first few months after Chris’ earthly death, many people spoke about our family learning to live with our “new normal”. I hated hearing this comment. “What do you mean by new normal? We will never be normal again,” I thought to myself. Well, five years later, I understand this statement better. We all experience, and must learn to live with, “new normals” throughout our lifetimes. We experience new births and deaths; new and severed relationships; financial windfalls and hardships; improving or worsening health; and so on.

I miss Chris very much and I think about all that could have been and how he should be joining us at family events. I still spontaneously burst out crying, for no apparent reason, often when I’m driving alone in my car. Yet, more often than not, Chris isn’t the focus of my daily thoughts. Rose Mary and my son Nick are. So are my parents and other family members, friends, business relationships and the general busyness of a full life. I am definitely feeling “normal” again without my son Chris! This is both comforting and a little upsetting as I’m thankful I’m not paralyzed from my loss, but I also don’t want Chris to be forgotten as we move forward with our lives.

As you can likely relate, I have many things that bring joy to my life. At the same time, I have a number of worries, some quite significant, that cause me considerable stress. In fact, some of these challenges could be the subject of a Living In Faith reflection. However, I’m sure the people I stress over wouldn’t allow me to share about them or our situation. So, in some cases, I write privately for myself as I find it helpful to express my emotions in writing.

Recently, a friend shared with me how a family member is struggling with guilt for experiencing tremendous joy over the birth of a new child while grieving over a recent significant loss. I reminded my friend of something I shared back on Chris’ one year heavenly birthday from one of my favourite pastors.

“Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you’re just coming out of one, or you’re getting ready to go into another one…I used to think that life was hills and valleys – you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don’t believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it’s kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can be thankful for.” Rick Warren

Do you agree with Rick Warren’s railroad track analogy? I believe it more than ever. I am also thankful that I’m learning to live well in my “new normal”. I truly hope the same for you!