“THE CALL” and The Gift of Perspective
Most parents worry about their children as they pursue their independence.
How often do we fret over an adolescent child who is out late at night? What is my son or daughter up to? Are they safe? I won’t be able to sleep until they get home!
My wife Rose Mary and I are two such parents.
Several times our son Chris would tell us not to worry when he wouldn’t text to let us know he was safe. He often reasoned with this comment: “Mom and Dad, you can’t control what could happen to me when I’m out.
Whether you find out I’m hurt, or even dead, soon after or the next day, nothing changes….so stop worrying!” We didn’t like Chris’ abrupt, cold way of conveying his message, but he was correct. Our worrying wouldn’t keep him safe or alive.
THE CALL
On a September Friday evening, Rose Mary, our daughter-in-law Marie, and I enjoyed dinner together at my parent’s home without Chris as he had left for a hunting trip near Squamish early that day with his friend Liam.
The next morning, Rose Mary commented how special it was spending time with Marie, even without Chris. It seems so eerie now that Rose Mary made this comment not knowing that he had died at 8pm the previous evening.
True to Chris’ message to us over the years, he had died without us even learning about it for almost 28 hours. We continued about our day until we received THE CALL. Around 10:30 pm, my sister Linette called to inform me that Liam had been airlifted from the mountains near Squamish to Lions Gate Hospital with significant but not life-threatening injuries.
Linette wondered if we had heard from Chris? We hadn’t and Marie couldn’t be reached as she was busy photographing a wedding. After several calls to the hospital, Squamish police, and Liam’s parents, I started assuming the worse case scenario.
We finally got hold of Marie as she was driving and asked if she had heard from Chris. “No, but the Delta police called me and they are waiting to talk to me when I arrive home,” Marie very calmly said.
Rose Mary then cried out, “Our son is dead!” I told Rose Mary we don’t know for sure, but deep down I believed he was. We agreed that my sister would meet Marie at her condo and that we would come as quickly as possible. The drive from our home in Richmond to Ladner was surreal…
We followed our regular route which took us past our church and then our boys’ high school, where Chris and Marie met. As we travelled, I had this burning sensation run through my entire body. In the deepest recesses of my heart, I knew our nightmare was real and our lives would be changed forever.
When we arrived at our destination, a police officer was waiting to escort us to Marie and my sister. When we entered the condo, we fell into each other’s arms and cried, and cried, and cried. Marie’s family and my parents all lived close by and they also received THE CALL that no parent or grandparent ever wants to receive.
As we were waiting for our families to arrive, we prayed together. We thanked God for all the blessings we had because of Chris and asked God to sustain us through our grief. We also prayed that Chris’ death would lead to positive changes in many people’s lives.
September 24, 2017 – Family and friends joined us at Church on Five
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“THE CALL” and The Gift of Perspective
Most parents worry about their children as they pursue their independence.
How often do we fret over an adolescent child who is out late at night? What is my son or daughter up to? Are they safe? I won’t be able to sleep until they get home!
My wife Rose Mary and I are two such parents.
Several times our son Chris would tell us not to worry when he wouldn’t text to let us know he was safe. He often reasoned with this comment: “Mom and Dad, you can’t control what could happen to me when I’m out.
Whether you find out I’m hurt, or even dead, soon after or the next day, nothing changes….so stop worrying!” We didn’t like Chris’ abrupt, cold way of conveying his message, but he was correct. Our worrying wouldn’t keep him safe or alive.
THE CALL
On a September Friday evening, Rose Mary, our daughter-in-law Marie, and I enjoyed dinner together at my parent’s home without Chris as he had left for a hunting trip near Squamish early that day with his friend Liam.
The next morning, Rose Mary commented how special it was spending time with Marie, even without Chris. It seems so eerie now that Rose Mary made this comment not knowing that he had died at 8pm the previous evening.
True to Chris’ message to us over the years, he had died without us even learning about it for almost 28 hours. We continued about our day until we received THE CALL. Around 10:30 pm, my sister Linette called to inform me that Liam had been airlifted from the mountains near Squamish to Lions Gate Hospital with significant but not life-threatening injuries.
Linette wondered if we had heard from Chris? We hadn’t and Marie couldn’t be reached as she was busy photographing a wedding. After several calls to the hospital, Squamish police, and Liam’s parents, I started assuming the worse case scenario.
We finally got hold of Marie as she was driving and asked if she had heard from Chris. “No, but the Delta police called me and they are waiting to talk to me when I arrive home,” Marie very calmly said.
Rose Mary then cried out, “Our son is dead!” I told Rose Mary we don’t know for sure, but deep down I believed he was. We agreed that my sister would meet Marie at her condo and that we would come as quickly as possible. The drive from our home in Richmond to Ladner was surreal…
We followed our regular route which took us past our church and then our boys’ high school, where Chris and Marie met. As we travelled, I had this burning sensation run through my entire body. In the deepest recesses of my heart, I knew our nightmare was real and our lives would be changed forever.
When we arrived at our destination, a police officer was waiting to escort us to Marie and my sister. When we entered the condo, we fell into each other’s arms and cried, and cried, and cried. Marie’s family and my parents all lived close by and they also received THE CALL that no parent or grandparent ever wants to receive.
As we were waiting for our families to arrive, we prayed together. We thanked God for all the blessings we had because of Chris and asked God to sustain us through our grief. We also prayed that Chris’ death would lead to positive changes in many people’s lives.
September 24, 2017 – Family and friends joined us at Church on Five
It has now been four years since THE CALL. Have our prayers been answered? Yes and, in some ways, I’m not sure. Rose Mary and I do feel that the love and care from so many of you has definitely sustained us. Thank You! I’ve seen and heard of some awesome, positive changes in people, but I also know some of us have forgotten the lessons we learned from Chris’ death.
The Gift of Perspective
Chris’ sudden passing initially gave those closest to him an improved perspective for living. Fortunately, we are healing from our grief and getting used to our “new normal”. But unfortunately, some of us are not applying the “gift of perspective” we received as much as we could be. I know that I’m once again allowing trivial matters to easily frustrate me. I prefer the more compassionate, more forgiving, less stressed person I was, in the several months following Chris’ death, than the way I am now. That said, hopefully the current Chad is a better version of the Chad before my son’s passing. With the recent 20th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, it reminds me how unified we all became, especially Americans, for the first few years after the attacks. Sadly, I now feel many of us, not just Americans, have become more polarized and we treat one another less respectfully. Despite our opposing views, shouldn’t we all be kinder, better people today than before 9/11 occurred? For example, after we stretch a rubber band, it relaxes back towards its original shape and size, but it doesn’t go back completely. It grows a bit each time it gets stretched. Similarly, shouldn’t we grow and become at least a little bit better each time life stretches us? To help rekindle the “gift of perspective”, I would like to share the final public words, “Notes before I die” of Holly Butcher, posted on Facebook the day after she passed at age 27. Holly, from Australia, was diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma, one of the rarest forms of cancer. She gained a following on social media because of her willingness to authentically share her life lessons as she was dying. Holly’s words inspire me to keep stretching and growing and I hope they inspire you. Thank you, Holly for the legacy you’ve created and my hope is your words will continually remind me to be the person I became, for a short while, after receiving THE CALL.
It has now been four years since THE CALL. Have our prayers been answered? Yes and, in some ways, I’m not sure. Rose Mary and I do feel that the love and care from so many of you has definitely sustained us. Thank You! I’ve seen and heard of some awesome, positive changes in people, but I also know some of us have forgotten the lessons we learned from Chris’ death.
The Gift of Perspective
Chris’ sudden passing initially gave those closest to him an improved perspective for living. Fortunately, we are healing from our grief and getting used to our “new normal”. But unfortunately, some of us are not applying the “gift of perspective” we received as much as we could be. I know that I’m once again allowing trivial matters to easily frustrate me. I prefer the more compassionate, more forgiving, less stressed person I was, in the several months following Chris’ death, than the way I am now. That said, hopefully the current Chad is a better version of the Chad before my son’s passing. With the recent 20th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, it reminds me how unified we all became, especially Americans, for the first few years after the attacks. Sadly, I now feel many of us, not just Americans, have become more polarized and we treat one another less respectfully. Despite our opposing views, shouldn’t we all be kinder, better people today than before 9/11 occurred? For example, after we stretch a rubber band, it relaxes back towards its original shape and size, but it doesn’t go back completely. It grows a bit each time it gets stretched. Similarly, shouldn’t we grow and become at least a little bit better each time life stretches us? To help rekindle the “gift of perspective”, I would like to share the final public words, “Notes before I die” of Holly Butcher, posted on Facebook the day after she passed at age 27. Holly, from Australia, was diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma, one of the rarest forms of cancer. She gained a following on social media because of her willingness to authentically share her life lessons as she was dying. Holly’s words inspire me to keep stretching and growing and I hope they inspire you. Thank you, Holly for the legacy you’ve created and my hope is your words will continually remind me to be the person I became, for a short while, after receiving THE CALL.