Speak Their Name

Dear Mr. & Mrs.“K”,

I started writing this letter to you on May 15, 2019, exactly twenty months to the day since the sudden passing of my son Chris, seven weeks before his 25th birthday. Over the years, I have often thought of your son Brian and I have shared his accidental death story to numerous people that I have golfed with, warning them to stand far behind the tee box! Each time I have told the story, I have had great remorse for Brian and for you, his family. Honestly, I didn’t think to reach out to you until I joined “the grieving parent’s club.” For the past 20 months, I have thought of you often, so I am finally reaching out.

Writing this letter marks 40 years since Brian’s passing. Unbelievable!! It was 1979 and we were in grade 10. I met Brian in grade 3 and even though I only knew him for 8 years, as a kid that amount of time seemed so long. I remember Brian’s smile, kind spirit and enthusiasm for life, especially for all the sports we played together. I remember hanging out with Brian at your home and learning about the business of dredging for golf balls from your older son Alan.

Another reason I think of your family often is because in 2007, I purchased a home backing onto the park at Palmer High School. I know Mr. “K” was a teacher at the school. Almost every morning, I walk into Chris’ bedroom, get on my knees and look out over the baseball diamonds and the school. I think of Chris, my family, my friends and sometimes your family. I then look towards the mountains near Squamish where Chris died and I pray to God asking Him to give me perspective on whatever feelings I am dealing with.

I can only imagine how much you have grieved over all that could have been for Brian and your family over these past 40 years. Yet, I hope you have been thankful for the awesome 16 years of life you did have with Brian. I am trying to be thankful myself in my own situation, but sometimes it is very hard not to dwell on my loss.

A close friend of my parents sent the following poem to our family shortly after Chris died and my dad shared it in the Delta Optimist newspaper. I love talking about Chris and I still love it when people mistakenly call me Chris, instead of Chad. I hope my letter brings you some comfort that I still speak Brian’s name.