It was about 1 week after our son Chris unexpectedly died in September 2017 when our friend Mark was at our front door dropping off a sympathy card and explaining why he and his wife Pat would not be in town to attend Chris’ funeral. Mark’s son Jason was one of Chris’ best friends and he would be speaking at the memorial service.

Chris & Jason

Mark had just dropped Pat off at the airport and it was getting late so he said no when we invited him in for a visit. Mark knew we’d had SO many visitors and he didn’t want to burden us. We are so thankful that Mark agreed to stay for a very short visit. Oh, what a ‘short’ visit it was! For two hours Mark shared in our pain. He spoke of his own significant health struggles that he’s endured for most of his life. He shared how his faith has helped him persevere and how his own struggles allowed him to understand and minister to others as they dealt with their own health challenges, especially to those who were in the process of dying. Rose Mary and I are so thankful for all the friends and family who came to be with us during those first few weeks. Some of you have told us afterwards that you felt so bad that you didn’t have words to say but you felt the need to just come be with us. I have learned since Chris’ passing that often times the best thing you can do is just BE with grief stricken people. The greater the grief, the less words that should likely be said. Your presence is enough. However, Rose Mary and I don’t believe that Mark was meant to come and just BE with us. We believe he knowingly, or unknowingly, came to us at just the right time and gave us words of empathy and encouragement that impacted us tremendously.

“Chad and Rose Mary, you’ve taken a huge hit; a parent’s worst nightmare. You’ve joined a club that few parents, thankfully, will be a member of. However, unfortunately there will be new parents that will be joining this ‘club’ and people, in general, will endure suffering of all kinds. God can sustain you as you walk this tough road ahead and He will also open doors for you to minister to others in their time of need. You don’t have to walk through the doors that open, but know that they will open and you will determine if, and when, you are ready and able to walk through.” (my paraphrase of what I think I heard Mark communicate).

We talked through so many other things with Mark that night, but the words in the above paragraph is what impacted me the most. Mark gave us the example of ‘walking through the open door’. He acted on the prompting that told him to come visit us, despite other possible ‘promptings’ that said “Don’t bother Chad and Rose Mary. They’ve likely had too many visitors; it’s late and you’re tired Mark, just drop off the card in the mailbox and go home.” Thank you Mark for knocking on our door; we opened it and you walked through!

Chad’s Take-Away

I am learning that we all grieve differently. For me, a quote from one of my favourite pastors, Rick Warren, really relates to me: “The secret to healing is revealing your feelings.” This is a big reason I write these Living in Faith reflections. Another reason is I’ve learned that when I focus on helping others, I focus less on my own pain. In that vain, I thank those of you who have shared your challenges with me. You give me the opportunity to pray for you and to possibly walk through your open door.