Marie Ekren – Part 1
It was July 2016, less than two months from his wedding day with Marie, and Chris was fast asleep in our Calgary hotel room after 12 long hours of driving home towards Vancouver from Kenora, Ontario. I was in the hotel lobby on the phone with Marie discussing her uncertain future with Chris, shedding tears and praying together. I told Marie that as much as I wanted her as my daughter-in-law, she shouldn’t marry Chris if she wasn’t totally certain of his commitment to her. “But I love all of your family so much,” Marie cried out to me. “Marie, as much as you love us and we love
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Marie Ekren – Part 1
It was July 2016, less than two months from his wedding day with Marie, and Chris was fast asleep in our Calgary hotel room after 12 long hours of driving home towards Vancouver from Kenora, Ontario. I was in the hotel lobby on the phone with Marie discussing her uncertain future with Chris, shedding tears and praying together. I told Marie that as much as I wanted her as my daughter-in-law, she shouldn’t marry Chris if she wasn’t totally certain of his commitment to her. “But I love all of your family so much,” Marie cried out to me. “Marie, as much as you love us and we love you, you can’t marry Chris
only for his family!” I replied. Little did we know that ultimately Marie would be ‘married’ to only Chris’ family, as her marriage to Chris would end after just 1 year and 5 days, upon his death on September 15, 2017.
At the time, Chris was conflicted. He was only 23 and had fallen in love with the lifestyle in Kenora after enjoying 3 and a half months of working, hunting and fishing in the Lake Of The Woods area. Chris tried to convince Marie that they could start a new life together there. But as much as she tried, Marie couldn’t force herself to move to this small community half way across the country. Chris told me that he definitely loved Marie and wanted to marry her, but he just wished he could ‘experience life’ for a few more years before settling down. Marie, on the other hand, had been ready to marry a few years prior. Chris ultimately had to decide whether to marry his high school sweetheart now or choose his desired lifestyle in Kenora without Marie. I flew to Kenora to ensure Chris made it home to Marie!
A year and a half earlier, I was extremely pleased when Chris started a serious conversation about Marie with me one day after spring skiing in Whistler. He asked, “Dad, how did you know Mom was the one? You love sports and Mom doesn’t and you both seem to have so many different interests, yet you still married her. I love Marie but I wonder if we have enough commonalities to ensure a great marriage.” I answered, “I married your mother for her heart and mind…and her good looks! I knew that we wouldn’t play or watch a lot of sports together. Honestly, I would rather ski black diamonds and play hockey with you and my friends than with mom. It was far more important that your mother and I have the same values, life goals and spiritual beliefs. Marie and you have a strong foundation from which to grow your relationship. You share a unique spiritual bond with very similar values and goals, and God definitely blessed Marie with tremendous beauty! Chris, beauty aside, I encourage you to focus on these most important attributes and don’t get hung up on your different personal interests.”
Back to July 2016, over breakfast the next morning in our Calgary hotel , I started giving Chris my ‘wisdom’ about his important decision…a life with Marie or a life in Kenora. Chris stopped me after two sentences and said, “Dad, I don’t want to talk about Kenora. It will only make me sad. I really believe I would have loved living there, but I know it is more important to make a wise choice in who I marry rather than where I live. As we head home today, I want to focus on all the positives of a life with Marie back home in Vancouver!” “Wow God”, I thought to myself, “I didn’t need to say anything to Chris as he really has thought through his decision. I guess our serious talk in the spring of 2015 impacted him.”
Reflecting back, I realize that Chris and Marie were ‘Living in Faith’ during these uncertain months leading up to their marriage. In fact, we all live in faith on a regular basis when we often make life choices with no guarantee of future outcomes. We sometimes need to faithfully sacrifice short-term pleasures for what we ultimately believe will bring long-term, healthy fulfillment.
Fast forward to December 2017, a few months after Chris’ death. Marie shared with Rose Mary and me that there were a few times over their seven-year courtship that she had thought of ending her relationship with Chris. However, the thought of ‘breaking up’ with his family upset her so much that she was able to make it through their relationship challenges. She re-confirmed her love for us and how special our whole extended family made her feel. “You will always be my family, no matter what happens in my future”, Marie shared. This brought tears of joy to my eyes then, as it does now, while I am writing this on our trip with Marie, her parents David and Eva, her brother Mark, and my wife Rose Mary and son Nick.
Each night, on our December 2018 New Zealand/Australia cruise, the seven of us dine together at a large round table. There are 8 place settings, and Marie’s ‘combined family’ of Skerls and Ekrens fill seven of them. The eighth chair sits empty. It’s the chair that Chris should be occupying. As we enjoy each other’s company, I reflect back to my late-night phone conversation with Marie from my Calgary hotel. “Marie, as much as you love us and we love you, you can’t marry Chris only for his family!”
Marie did marry Chris because of her love for him and Chris did give Marie her dream wedding and an amazing first year of marriage. But now, ironically and sadly, Marie Ekren is ‘married’ to only Chris’ family. “Chris, thank you for faithfully choosing to marry Marie (and Marie, for patiently trusting in Chris). We have physically lost you as our son, but because of you, we have gained a ‘daughter-in-love’ who definitely is, and hopefully always will be, a member of our family!”
you, you can’t marry Chris only for his family!” I replied. Little did we know that ultimately Marie would be ‘married’ to only Chris’ family, as her marriage to Chris would end after just 1 year and 5 days, upon his death on September 15, 2017.
At the time, Chris was conflicted. He was only 23 and had fallen in love with the lifestyle in Kenora after enjoying 3 and a half months of working, hunting and fishing in the Lake Of The Woods area. Chris tried to convince Marie that they could start a new life together there. But as much as she tried, Marie couldn’t force herself to move to this small community half way across the country. Chris told me that he definitely loved Marie and wanted to marry her, but he just wished he could ‘experience life’ for a few more years before settling down. Marie, on the other hand, had been ready to marry a few years prior. Chris ultimately had to decide whether to marry his high school sweetheart now or choose his desired lifestyle in Kenora without Marie. I flew to Kenora to ensure Chris made it home to Marie!
A year and a half earlier, I was extremely pleased when Chris started a serious conversation about Marie with me one day after spring skiing in Whistler. He asked, “Dad, how did you know Mom was the one? You love sports and Mom doesn’t and you both seem to have so many different interests, yet you still married her. I love Marie but I wonder if we have enough commonalities to ensure a great marriage.” I answered, “I married your mother for her heart and mind…and her good looks! I knew that we wouldn’t play or watch a lot of sports together. Honestly, I would rather ski black diamonds and play hockey with you and my friends than with mom. It was far more important that your mother and I have the same values, life goals and spiritual beliefs. Marie and you have a strong foundation from which to grow your relationship. You share a unique spiritual bond with very similar values and goals, and God definitely blessed Marie with tremendous beauty! Chris, beauty aside, I encourage you to focus on these most important attributes and don’t get hung up on your different personal interests.”
Back to July 2016, over breakfast the next morning in our Calgary hotel , I started giving Chris my ‘wisdom’ about his important decision…a life with Marie or a life in Kenora. Chris stopped me after two sentences and said, “Dad, I don’t want to talk about Kenora. It will only make me sad. I really believe I would have loved living there, but I know it is more important to make a wise choice in who I marry rather than where I live. As we head home today, I want to focus on all the positives of a life with Marie back home in Vancouver!” “Wow God”, I thought to myself, “I didn’t need to say anything to Chris as he really has thought through his decision. I guess our serious talk in the spring of 2015 impacted him.”
Reflecting back, I realize that Chris and Marie were ‘Living in Faith’ during these uncertain months leading up to their marriage. In fact, we all live in faith on a regular basis when we often make life choices with no guarantee of future outcomes. We sometimes need to faithfully sacrifice short-term pleasures for what we ultimately believe will bring long-term, healthy fulfillment.
Fast forward to December 2017, a few months after Chris’ death. Marie shared with Rose Mary and me that there were a few times over their seven-year courtship that she had thought of ending her relationship with Chris. However, the thought of ‘breaking up’ with his family upset her so much that she was able to make it through their relationship challenges. She re-confirmed her love for us and how special our whole extended family made her feel. “You will always be my family, no matter what happens in my future”, Marie shared. This brought tears of joy to my eyes then, as it does now, while I am writing this on our trip with Marie, her parents David and Eva, her brother Mark, and my wife Rose Mary and son Nick.
Each night, on our December 2018 New Zealand/Australia cruise, the seven of us dine together at a large round table. There are 8 place settings, and Marie’s ‘combined family’ of Skerls and Ekrens fill seven of them. The eighth chair sits empty. It’s the chair that Chris should be occupying. As we enjoy each other’s company, I reflect back to my late-night phone conversation with Marie from my Calgary hotel. “Marie, as much as you love us and we love you, you can’t marry Chris only for his family!”
Marie did marry Chris because of her love for him and Chris did give Marie her dream wedding and an amazing first year of marriage. But now, ironically and sadly, Marie Ekren is ‘married’ to only Chris’ family. “Chris, thank you for faithfully choosing to marry Marie (and Marie, for patiently trusting in Chris). We have physically lost you as our son, but because of you, we have gained a ‘daughter-in-love’ who definitely is, and hopefully always will be, a member of our family!”