Broken Collar Bone
“Chad, once healed, the bone that was broken is even stronger thanthe bone that was never broken,” coach Dr. Magnuson.
I played for the South Delta Midget A hockey team when I was in grade eleven. In one game, a player from the opposing team took a charging penalty for the blow that broke my right collar bone. It was five weeks later when my doctor gave me approval to play sports again.
I remember vividly how nervous I was about getting hit again by an opponent. After several shifts of play, my coach Dr. Dale Magnuson (older brother of Chicago Blackhawk Keith Magnuson) took me aside and asked what happened to the feisty, determined play of Chad Ekren?
“I’m afraid that I will re-injure the bone that was just broken,” I told coach Dr. Magnuson. “Chad, once healed, the bone that was broken is even stronger than the bone that was never broken,” he replied. No way, I thought. Could something that was broken become even stronger than before?
I’ve never forgotten this lesson and I have told this story to many people over the years because of the great impact it’s had on my life, especially when it comes to relationships.
From experience, I believe virtually every relationship between people will sustain damage sometimes and some will actually be totally broken. Yet, when relationships are healed, they are often much stronger than if they had never been broken. Just like my broken collar bone!
Sadly, many broken relationships never heal. Why? There likely isn’t just one reason but here are a few to consider. Perhaps you can offer me some insight?
Low Level of Commitment and Love During one of our friend group discussions, I complained “I can’t believe how I hardly say anything offensive to someone and they ‘write me off’, yet I have made so many more hurtful comments to my wife Rose Mary where she truly deserved to ‘write me off’ but she didn’t. Why?”
Our friend Barbara shared what I thought was a brilliant answer. “Chad, you and Rose Mary aim for 100% commitment in your relationship, and you choose to attempt to demonstrate unconditional love for each other. Unfortunately, we have very few relationships with the same level of depth.”
Judge Actions versus Intentions I also learned another reason relationships sometimes never heal from my former Pastor RobInrig. “Chad, too often we judge others by their actions and we judge ourselves by our intentions.”
It took me some time to really understand what Pastor Rob meant with his comment, but once I got it, I realized how profound his statement was. For example, you and I may have done the exact same thing that emotionally hurt someone.
I know my intention wasn’t truly meant to hurt the other person, so I tend to go easier on myself. Yet I often don’t give others, who do the exact same thing, the same grace I give to myself. No, I judge others on their action!
“I can’t believe that person would say that or do that!”, instead of thinking or saying, “I wonder if that person really meant to be that hurtful? I wonder if there’s something happening in that person’s life that might be causing them to act out in such a way?”
No Problems, No Profit Whatever the reasons for our broken relationships, the main point of my message is that I truly believe that I have many relationships today that are so much stronger and healthier now, after our brokenness has been healed.
Unfortunately, to get to the healing requires something very difficult for us to do. In his book Integrity, Henry Cloud comments that the person of high character leans into his or her problems rather than ignoring them.
“First, integrated character does not avoid negatives, but does the opposite – actively seeks them out to resolve them. Second, integrated character does not see facing negatives only as something painful, but as an opportunity to make things better and get to a good place.” Man, this is so difficult to do sometimes, especially when my wife, or someone else, makes me so angry!
Thankfully, I have had enough positive healings of broken relationships in my life that it gives me faith I can experience many more. Please know as I finish writing this reflection, that I am currently struggling with a major fracture in my relationship with someone very important to me.
Both of us have been super stressed, angry, saddened along with several other emotions. My hope is that by the time you are reading this, my “adversary” and I will have both leaned into our problem(s), with the intent of creating an even stronger relationship than before this major fracture occurred.
Isn’t that what Living In Faith is about?
Having hope and choosing to love even when we don’t feel like it.
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Broken Collar Bone
“Chad, once healed, the bone that was broken is even stronger thanthe bone that was never broken,” coach Dr. Magnuson.
I played for the South Delta Midget A hockey team when I was in grade eleven. In one game, a player from the opposing team took a charging penalty for the blow that broke my right collar bone. It was five weeks later when my doctor gave me approval to play sports again.
I remember vividly how nervous I was about getting hit again by an opponent. After several shifts of play, my coach Dr. Dale Magnuson (older brother of Chicago Blackhawk Keith Magnuson) took me aside and asked what happened to the feisty, determined play of Chad Ekren?
“I’m afraid that I will re-injure the bone that was just broken,” I told coach Dr. Magnuson. “Chad, once healed, the bone that was broken is even stronger than the bone that was never broken,” he replied. No way, I thought. Could something that was broken become even stronger than before?
I’ve never forgotten this lesson and I have told this story to many people over the years because of the great impact it’s had on my life, especially when it comes to relationships.
From experience, I believe virtually every relationship between people will sustain damage sometimes and some will actually be totally broken. Yet, when relationships are healed, they are often much stronger than if they had never been broken. Just like my broken collar bone!
Sadly, many broken relationships never heal. Why? There likely isn’t just one reason but here are a few to consider. Perhaps you can offer me some insight?
Low Level of Commitment and Love During one of our friend group discussions, I complained “I can’t believe how I hardly say anything offensive to someone and they ‘write me off’, yet I have made so many more hurtful comments to my wife Rose Mary where she truly deserved to ‘write me off’ but she didn’t. Why?”
Our friend Barbara shared what I thought was a brilliant answer. “Chad, you and Rose Mary aim for 100% commitment in your relationship, and you choose to attempt to demonstrate unconditional love for each other. Unfortunately, we have very few relationships with the same level of depth.”
Judge Actions versus Intentions I also learned another reason relationships sometimes never heal from my former Pastor RobInrig. “Chad, too often we judge others by their actions and we judge ourselves by our intentions.”
It took me some time to really understand what Pastor Rob meant with his comment, but once I got it, I realized how profound his statement was. For example, you and I may have done the exact same thing that emotionally hurt someone.
I know my intention wasn’t truly meant to hurt the other person, so I tend to go easier on myself. Yet I often don’t give others, who do the exact same thing, the same grace I give to myself. No, I judge others on their action!
“I can’t believe that person would say that or do that!”, instead of thinking or saying, “I wonder if that person really meant to be that hurtful? I wonder if there’s something happening in that person’s life that might be causing them to act out in such a way?”
No Problems, No Profit Whatever the reasons for our broken relationships, the main point of my message is that I truly believe that I have many relationships today that are so much stronger and healthier now, after our brokenness has been healed.
Unfortunately, to get to the healing requires something very difficult for us to do. In his book Integrity, Henry Cloud comments that the person of high character leans into his or her problems rather than ignoring them.
“First, integrated character does not avoid negatives, but does the opposite – actively seeks them out to resolve them. Second, integrated character does not see facing negatives only as something painful, but as an opportunity to make things better and get to a good place.” Man, this is so difficult to do sometimes, especially when my wife, or someone else, makes me so angry!
Thankfully, I have had enough positive healings of broken relationships in my life that it gives me faith I can experience many more. Please know as I finish writing this reflection, that I am currently struggling with a major fracture in my relationship with someone very important to me.
Both of us have been super stressed, angry, saddened along with several other emotions. My hope is that by the time you are reading this, my “adversary” and I will have both leaned into our problem(s), with the intent of creating an even stronger relationship than before this major fracture occurred.
Isn’t that what Living In Faith is about?
Having hope and choosing to love even when we don’t feel like it.